Are you undermining your self-belief?
Last week’s podcast episode was all about whether or not you believe in luck. One of the dangers I pointed out of over belief in luck is that we can start putting everything good that happens to us down to luck and chance rather than acknowledging the hard work, dedication, experience, skill, tenacity, talent or creativity that got us there. We listen to people telling us how lucky we are to live in this house, have that job, be in this relationship and if we’re not careful we start to believe that it’s all down to luck and pure chance too.
Now, don’t get me wrong, I think it’s very healthy to feel grateful for the house, job, relationship etc but don’t put down things to luck that actually stem from your skills, experience, abilities, attributes, talent, hard work and dedication. When we do this we are in danger of eroding our self-belief. That belief in our abilities and talents. As we erode our self-belief we start to down-play our abilities to ourselves and others and that results in settling for less.
When we believe that the reason we have this job is purely down to luck then our inner critic can begin to get the upper hand. It’s her job to keep you safely in your comfort zone. She lives in the primitive part of your brain which developed at a time when rejection by your tribe meant certain death so she wants to keep you playing safe. Start believing that you are only in this job because of luck then you won’t apply for the next role that really interests you. You’ll stop putting yourself forward for the projects that really interest you. Or, if the project is given to you anyway, imposter syndrome will suck the joy out of it as you wait to be found out as not good enough really!
So, am I asking you to ban the word luck from your vocabulary? No, I’m not. It is absolutely fine to acknowledge the role luck does have to play in our lives as long as we don’t write off our successes and achievements as only being down to luck. But, next time you hear yourself describe something as being down to luck or someone else says it to you I want you to take a moment to ask yourself whether this is really luck or something else?
Let’s take for example the “You’re so lucky to live here. Your house is gorgeous and the area is lovely.” Have a think about all the steps that were involved in you living in this lovely house. How long did you save for that deposit? How much work over how many years has it taken for the house to be this lovely? Yes, you may have felt very lucky when your offer was accepted on the house but you living there and it being gorgeous is not just down to luck!
Or, “You’re so lucky to have your own business.” How many sleepless nights have there been? How many weekends worked? How many years with no profit before it took off? How many years of experience, knowledge and skills built up before you launched?
I’m not suggesting for one moment that you start having rows with family and friends who tell you you're lucky, but what if you changed your vocabulary? If you’re in the habit of talking about how lucky you are all of the time try swapping the word for grateful or blessed, if you prefer, and see how that feels instead. And there is nothing to stop you answering the “You’re so lucky…” with, “Yes, it’s taken a lot of hard work and many sleepless nights but I feel very proud of all I’ve achieved!”
The language we use really matters. I’m not suggesting for one minute that you have to stop believing that you are lucky as it’s far healthier than believing that you’re not and who knows one day you may be lucky enough to hit the jackpot in the national lottery! But, I don’t want any of us to be undermining our self-belief by putting everything good that happens to us down to luck. Acknowledge your successes and the skills, talent, effort, knowledge and creativity that got you there.
As I said in last week’s podcast, I believe that we make our own luck. The people we consider to be lucky are in fact skilled at creating and noticing opportunities.
The people we consider luck people make decisions by listening to their inner wisdom,
The people we label as lucky adopt a resilient attitude that transforms bad luck into good.
If you haven’t already go and have a listen to episode 13 of Unlock Your Confidence with Clare Walsh. You can find it on all major podcast platforms including Apple Podcasts, Spotify, Amazon Music and Stitcher.
If your confidence and self-belief could do with a boost right now my Confidence Launchpad is for you. This is my new self-taught course that I've just launched. In ten short video lessons you will be given the tools to
Increase your confidence levels so that you can trust your decisions and pursue your dreams.
Create more understanding about what makes you tick. You will learn how to ensure your mind is working for you, not against you. It's like a gym for the mind!
This self-taught programme will
Help you to let go of perfectionism and truly believe that you are good enough!
Help you to launch your confident life!
This is your chance to access the same lessons from the confidence module that I teach in my signature group coaching programme for a fraction of the price. Last time I ran Your Pathway to Confidence, Clarity and Courage it cost £425. You can purchase the Confidence Launchpad at the launch price of just £37 until this Sunday, 16th May. You get immediate access to all ten lessons to complete at your own pace in your own time. The videos are each between 10 and 15 minutes so easy to fit into a busy life and the majority of the tasks set to help you cultivate those positive beliefs and habits to build your confidence can be fitted into your day with ease.
Complete the ten lessons and associated tasks and you will finish the course
✔ feeling more confident,
✔ believing you are enough,
✔ knowing yourself and your mind better,
✔ trusting yourself and your abilities.
Here’s the link you need. This is your opportunity to go deeper into many of the topics that we have discussed here and in my podcast for a fraction of the cost of working with me one-to-one. Don’t miss out.
