I’ve been having therapy over the last six months or so. I’m not ashamed to admit it. After everything I’ve been through over the last three years having someone to talk it through with has helped enormously. It’s meant that I’ve been able to talk through some of the more traumatic moments of my treatment. In doing so I’ve remembered details that I’d forgotten.
 
I remember a day in the midst of my chemo when I woke up feeling so lousy that I found myself making a deal with my body. “I promise you” I said, “if we get up all I will expect you to consume today is crumpets and Horlicks.” And I managed to get myself out of bed and I kept that promise to myself. My mum had been amazing at cooking nourishing meals from the Royal Marsden Cancer Cookbook. Which I highly recommend by the way. But that day I knew even thinking about trying to eat anything other than crumpets would be too much.

The week is finally upon us! Another year is almost over and we gather to celebrate, to feast as generations before us have done. Whether you are celebrating Christmas, Winter Solstice or just surviving another year I wish you every joy and happiness.

If we were to believe the media and advertisers Christmas is already upon us. The shops are full of decorations. Christmas music is playing. Restaurants are all decorated and festive and almost every advert on TV is about Christmas. Now don’t get me wrong I love Christmas. I love the music, the decorations, the giving and receiving of gifts, the time to spend with family. I love pretty much everything about it. Except stollen – can’t stand stollen! But my point is, it’s not Christmas yet. It’s Advent. That special time of waiting and anticipation. A time to prepare spiritually as well as getting that Christmas shopping done!

I was toying with calling this blog, "The Good, the Bad and the Ugly" as there have certainly been ups and downs over the last few weeks. Let’s start with the good. I moved back into my own house after two wonderful friends finished decorating it for me. I’m now living with beautiful décor that I chose. And I’m really looking forward to finishing the unpacking and getting all the pictures I’ve collected over the last few years up on the walls.

Sometimes it just doesn’t make sense to try and find new words when I’ve already written something that says exactly what I want to say, so here’s a little revisit, edited for today.
 
In my spiritual tradition the whole of November is dedicated to remembering and praying for the dead. We celebrate All Saints’ Day on 1st November and All Souls’ Day on 2nd November. These are important feasts when we remember those who’ve gone before us.

This may sound morbid but in fact it's a great celebration to honour those who we have loved and have left this world. It's also such a good opportunity to remember and honour what they left with us.

It’s October and that means it’s Breast Cancer awareness month. A couple of years ago I wrote a blog post containing a lot of important and potentially life-saving information and really think it’s worth sharing again.
 
This time three years ago I was in my first month of chemotherapy and feeling overwhelmed. Trying to engage with Breast Cancer Awareness month was pretty much beyond me. I was too busy living it. I now want to make sure that I’m using the platform I have to raise some all important awareness by sharing the lessons I have learnt and giving you the confidence to check yourself and to seek help should you need it.

This time last year I was a couple of weeks into my Diploma in Therapeutic Coaching during which I learnt lots of new and potent theories and techniques. One of the things that spoke to me deeply and affected my whole way of being was the concept of radical authenticity
 
It means reclaiming your true and real identity. Ridding ourselves of all the ways we’ve been twisted out of shape by the civilising process. The manners, gendered behaviour, familial and societal rules and expectations, the rules and expectations of our faith.
 
It doesn’t mean that we have to abandon these things but it does mean that we stop and consciously examine them and then decide – is this true and real for me? Am I thinking, feeling and behaving in a way that is truly me or in the way I have been conditioned to, thanks to the lessons I learned and the decisions I made as a small child?

It’s my birthday this weekend which is always a bit of a prompt for some self-reflection. My word for this year is flourish. I have to say that although relieved to finally have my bilateral mastectomy in February, the months of recovery were hard. Going back to work, as much as I was looking forward to it, made me realise my energy levels still aren’t back to pre-surgery levels. Everything has felt like such an effort the last few weeks that I realised I’d even forgotten that my word for this year is flourish!

This week we had our monthly, “Who am I now and what’s next?” coffee and coaching session - "From Summer Dreams to Autumn Action: Chart Your Path Forward". I shared insights and guided those watching through potent coaching questions. All designed to help you set goals, and take meaningful steps forward. It was an incredible hour even if I do say so myself. My own coach can’t believe how much value I give away for free at these sessions!
 
Continuing the theme of using September to take stock and start moving forward I thought we’d revisit a blog from a previous September with a few tweaks!

Welcome to the third of our summer of blog revisits. In the spirit of slowing down this summer I’m carefully selecting past blogs to bring to your attention to both help you to have a great summer and allow me to do a little less work!
 
This week I’m re-sharing a blog that explores the importance of being kind to ourselves.

How many times a day do you say something negative, unkind or downright mean to yourself? Are you even conscious that you’re doing it? What would happen if you replaced that mean, negative voice with a loving supportive one? What would happen if we spoke to ourselves the same way we speak to someone we love and respect?

Welcome to the second of our summer of blog revisits. In the spirit of slowing down this summer I’m carefully selecting past blogs to bring to your attention to both help you to have a great summer and allow me to do a little less work!
 
This week I’m re-sharing a blog that explores the concept of fun. Do you realise how important it is to your health and well-being?

I’m a great believer in slowing down over the summer even if you aren’t on holiday. In fact, especially if you aren’t on holiday! One of the ways I’m doing this is by revisiting some of my older blogs, tweaking them for a revisit rather than writing brand new ones….
 
Cast your mind back to this time three years ago. We were still living with social distancing, face masks and very confusing quarantine rules but with the promise that by the end of July all restrictions would end.   On 30th July I was sitting in a breast surgeon’s office with my mum and heard the words “I’m really sorry but as we suspected it is cancer and it’s reached your lymph nodes.”  
 

A couple of years ago I released a podcast episode all about the importance and benefits of slowing down over summer. It was one of my most downloaded episodes! With this in mind this month’s “Who am I now and what’s next?” coffee and coaching session is all about embracing a slower pace of life this summer.

A couple of weeks ago I shared that I'm choosing to say yes to life. One big and pretty brave yes was to attend a charity ball. It went from yes I’ll attend to help represent the women the charity helps, to yes I’ll sing in the choir, to yes I’ll lead the choir and sing a solo. To say I was nervous on the day is an understatement. Until three hours before the event the six of us in the choir hadn’t met other than on zoom and so I had no idea whether anyone else could actually sing!

There are lots of things in life that are beyond our control. Whether or not we’ll get any decent weather here in Britain this summer being upper most on my list right now. However, as I regularly remind you and myself – we get to choose. We always get to choose. Even if life has thrown things at us that we wouldn’t have chosen we get to choose how we react, how we move through it and beyond it.
 
So, I can’t choose what weather we’ll have this summer but I can choose to make the most of these warm(ish) and light months. I can choose to accept that the weather will do exactly what it wants and so can I!

 It feels so good to say yes that I’ve found myself saying yes to things that I might not have in the past. I’m going to my first ever black tie do in June. It’s the Summer Ball celebrating the 10th anniversary of the founding of Victoria’s Promise. A wonderful charity that supports women who are diagnosed with cancer aged 50 and under. They were such a vital support to me when I was diagnosed.

I truly believe that I have been served by Mother Nature. I feel a pull so strong, so magical to truly flourish. To be radically authentic and go out and change the world for the better. To be the me I was always meant to be. To take risks. To shine. To fill this world with love and wonder and the starlight that I know exists within me. That I know is waiting to burst forth.

Two weeks ago, I shared with you that I was told they’d discovered cancer when I had my preventative double mastectomy and that had given me a bit of a wobble. Understandably so! I reminded myself that I get to choose. I get to choose how I live my life and so do you. Every day you get to choose how and where you use up your precious time, energy, love and joy.

I’ve made the choice to use this time of healing, recuperation and rest to do a lot of reflecting. Not navel gazing as my mother likes to call it, but instead reminding myself of what truly lights me up. When it is that I feel most alive, most joyful, most excited. I’m going all out on discovering what it means to be radically authentic.

My word for this year is flourish. I knew after so long on NHS waiting lists and facing major surgery I really want to not just move forward but to flourish.

I finally had my surgery on 12th February. All went well thankfully and I’m recovering slowly but surely. More slowly than I anticipated if I’m honest but my body has been through so much I shouldn’t really be surprised.

I love this time of year. The days are getting longer and Easter is on the way. I realise that a month post surgery I may not be doing much actual springing into spring, but there are many things I’m looking forward to.

Even when things are difficult, spring is capable of stirring hope in my heart. Not just hope but real belief that things can and will get better. I know that getting outside, breathing in the fresh air and taking time to notice the new life springing up will ground me and make me feel better.