Are you waiting for permission?
At the moment we’ve had a lot of our normal freedoms curtailed and so yes we are waiting for permission to do lots of things that we’d not even think about normally - visiting our parents, using public transport, going out with friends, getting a haircut. But where else in your life are you waiting for permission?
I know I’ve been very guilty of this in the past and I catch myself sometimes even now. Waiting for permission to go ahead and start working towards the dream that I have for myself. Waiting for permission to pursue the life that I know will make me happier. The life that lights me up.
Who do I think is going to give me permission? Whose approval am I looking for? I’m a grown woman, proud of my independence and yet it still catches me out. This sense that I need permission to create the life that lights me up. To lead my life in a way that will be fulfilling and happy for me.
I see the same thing in the women around me. My friends, relations and clients. A feeling that if something is just for me I need permission to get started.
Yes, often what we choose to do has an effect on other people around us, but if we’re honest with ourselves the holding back and waiting for permission to start is more about our fears and uncertainties than anything else. Am I good enough? Will I see it through? What if I invest this money and it doesn’t work out? Have I really got the time? What will other people think? Will people think I’m full of myself, too ambitious, ridiculous for trying? And the big one - what if I fail?
The question I ask myself is what if I do nothing? How will I feel in three months, six months, a year if I ignore this call?
An exercise coaches often use is to ask our clients to imagine that you’re in your eighties sitting in a rocking chair and reflecting on your life. What do you want to be looking back on? What is it that you want to smile about as you remember your life? Are you looking back on a life that was rich and fulfilling? A life that lit you up? A life that was well lived?
If so, what do you need to be doing now to ensure that this is the life you’re living? That it's the life you're going to be looking back on with a smile.
Two years ago when I looked at my own life – happy and fulfilling on the surface with a very successful business I knew that something needed to change. I knew that if I wasn’t careful I was heading for burnout. That I'd stop enjoying my work and start resenting it. I knew it wasn’t sustainable. I knew I needed a plan B before there was a crisis.
As I was considering what to do I was also looking at a year where I'd be working away from home for 39 weeks. Yes I definitely needed a plan B but how on earth was I going to manage it with that demanding schedule?
I worked out pretty quickly that what I really wanted to do was add a coaching arm to my business. I’d coached in one of my roles about a decade earlier and loved it and felt drawn to doing it again. I knew that it would allow me to work with other people more which I really missed and allow me to spend more time at home. I knew it was a great plan. But what about the money to fund the diploma? What about the time to actually do it? And, what would other people think? Would those people who love me think I was utterly mad to try to do something else?
I began to put the brakes on my own dream. It took me weeks to even say it out loud to anyone else. I was waiting for permission.
I told one of my closest friends first. She thought it was a fantastic idea and was hugely excited for me. “So what’s the first step?” she asked. I told her that there was a free taster weekend but I couldn’t go because I already had an appointment on the Saturday. She gave me a look that only a very close friend can get away with. “Appointments can be changed!” She was right. Fear was holding me back. The appointment was changed and I booked my place on the weekend.
Taster weekend booked or not there was still the question of money. I couldn’t afford to pay up front for the course. So I decided I'd do the taster weekend and then save until I could afford the course. I put the brakes on again.
The weekend before the course I shared my plans with my mum. She thought it was a fantastic idea. Perfect for me. I’d really thought that I’d have to justify the time, money and the risk. But no, that judgement was in my head not hers. “Why are you waiting?” was the only question she had. “Why aren’t you pursuing this dream now? I’ll lend you the money.”
The only person denying myself permission to get on with it, to start pursuing this new path was me. I took a few days to think about it and accepted the generous offer.
I loved the two-day taster event. I filled out my application form during the lunch break on the Sunday and then tortured myself for the rest of the afternoon with doubts. Am I good enough? How will I find the time? How will I manage the assessments? How will I find clients? All me putting the brakes on my own dream. I handed the form in, I got a place, I even got a reduction in the fee as I was self-funded.
Yes it was hard. Finding the time took a lot of self-discipline and giving up six Saturdays when I only got two days at home most weeks was tough but it was all worth it. I’m so glad I gave myself permission to say yes to help, to say yes to my dream and to go for it.
So, I know what it’s like to feel daunted by your own dream for your life. I know what it’s like to know that to create the life that lights you up you're going to have to do things you’ve never done before. You’re going to have to find time and energy and possibly funds too.
Give yourself permission to dream, give yourself permission to start. Give yourself permission to know that when you sit and look back on your life it will be on a life that was well lived. A life that lit you up. A life where you weren’t always waiting for permission.
And if after all that you’re still waiting for permission then consider this as your permission slip. If nothing else these last weeks have taught us that life is uncertain and can be cruelly cut short. Stop waiting. You have permission to start!
I have space to work with two women this month who know they want to live a life that lights them up now – not at some undefined and never arriving point in the future. You’re ready for change and would thrive with support to help you gain the clarity you need, to trust your decisions and build the confidence and courage to take action to create your life your way!
You are unique and so my one-to-one coaching packages are tailored to suit you. As well as coaching sessions via zoom or telephone you get support between calls to help you move forward to create a rich and fulfilling life.
Book your complimentary 30 minute pathway to possibility call here to get clarity about how you want your life to be and have a no obligation conversation about how we could work together and take the first step towards the life that lights you up!
I have space in my calendar to speak with five women this week ready to live a life that lights them up now, not at some undefined point in the future so book your call now.
