Driven or drawn?
There are times in our lives when major decisions have to be made.
Sometimes we know the moment is coming when we'll have to decide and make a change.
Other times the rug is pulled from under us and a decision has to be made, like it or not.
For the last 14 years I've been using the Cycle of Discernment to make major decisions in my life. It's the method that I teach to my coaching clients to enable them too to make decisions with their head and heart, grounded in their values.
An important part of discernment is questioning whether or not you’re feeling driven or drawn.
When choosing between two or more options I ask my clients to consider whether they are feeling driven or drawn.
Driven has the characteristics of feeling fearful, anxious to please and scared of other people's disapproval.
There is a sense of duty around the option that feels like a burden and when it is over you will have a sense of relief that a heavy load has been shed.
There is a sense of resentment and you don't feel grateful for the experience. You'll be glad when it is over.
Feeling drawn to an option has the characteristics of feeling a sense of freedom, a sense of inner peace.
It may feel big and scary but there is a sense of courage, it feels part of you.
You feel grateful for the experience even though it will be/could be hard.
It feels like a invitation.
There is a sense of mission and purpose.
It may seem really obvious reading those two lists that of course you would pick the option to which you feel drawn not driven. But, how many of us really stop and think about how we are feeling? Really feeling - what our body and our inner wisdom is telling us? We are very quick to try to tune out of uncomfortable feelings, to tell ourselves that of course it feels uncomfortable, that's why it's called being out of your comfort zone.
But, as these two lists show, there are different forms of discomfort and if we aren't willing to sit in that discomfort and examine it then how are we going to know what is really right for us?
In this age of 24 hour news feeds, constantly being in contact, reading emails at all hours of the day and night and scrolling social media it's so easy to have no quiet, no stillness. It's easy to avoid listening to ourselves and our innate inner wisdom.
Seven years ago I had my dream job. I loved everything about it and I imagined myself in that role until I retired. Then one lovely sunny morning the rug was pulled out from me when I got a phone call asking me to attend a meeting about redundancy.
My mind went into overdrive. I was heartbroken at the thought of losing the job I loved and scared about paying the mortgage and bills.
The rest of the working day passed in a blur and at 4 pm I got into the car for the forty minute drive home. As I pulled out of the car park I began to give myself a talking to, starting with breathe, slow down and stop panicking.
As I pulled onto the motorway I asked my inner wisdom - okay, so what's next?
I didn't expect an immediate answer, but I got one. "Go freelance, start your own business, there's a real need for what you do and there are many organisations, like this one who just can't justify having anyone on a full-time basis."
Before I'd learnt about the Cycle of Discernment I would have dismissed that idea out of hand as too risky, too scary. Telling myself that people like me don't run their own businesses, I'll never get any work.
My reasons not to do it would have been many and varied, but all rooted in fear.
Instead I got home and started the process of discernment. As I saw it my options were start my own freelance business or find another full-time role in the same field.
Over the next two days I went through the whole of the Cycle of Discernment process in order to make my decision. The driven or drawn part of it was so surprising. I felt so drawn to what upon first thinking of it had seemed so scary.
The thought of being my own boss felt like an invitation.
It felt scary but I realised I had huge amounts of courage. It truly felt part of me.
On the other hand, the thought of trying to find another job. The thought of the possibility of finding myself a few months or years down the line once again facing redundancy was just too much. It's happened too often. I wanted to take control.
If I hadn't have been introduced to the Cycle of Discernment I'm convinced that I would have completely ignored my inner wisdom and once again looked for another full time and (allegedly) permanent job.
Instead I’ve thrived over the last seven years. And now, also thanks to my inner wisdom and the Cycle of Discernment I not only have my first business but I'm also a life coach too helping other women tune into their inner wisdom and create the life that lights them up.
If you would like to see how coaching could help you to listen to your inner wisdom and take decisions with more ease - decisions made with your head and heart then click here to book a free 30 minute call.
