Stepping into radical authenticity
This time last year I was a couple of weeks into my Diploma in Therapeutic Coaching during which I learnt lots of new and potent theories and techniques. One of the things that spoke to me deeply and affected my whole way of being was the concept of radical authenticity
It means reclaiming your true and real identity. Ridding ourselves of all the ways we’ve been twisted out of shape by the civilising process. The manners, gendered behaviour, familial and societal rules and expectations, the rules and expectations of our faith.
It doesn’t mean that we have to abandon these things but it does mean that we stop and consciously examine them and then decide – is this true and real for me? Am I thinking, feeling and behaving in a way that is truly me or in the way I have been conditioned to, thanks to the lessons I learned and the decisions I made as a small child?
When was the last time you questioned the way you show up in the world? The unconscious decisions that you make? The rules you still follow because that’s the way your parents did things. That’s the way people from round here behave.
Learning about radical authenticity was like a light bulb going off inside me. I realised that going through the cancer diagnosis and everything that’s happened since. Coming out of the other side and knowing I’m not the same and never will be again and that’s actually okay. And then beginning to ask so who am I now and what’s next? I’d had some of those layers of expectations forcibly scraped away leaving me feeling raw and lost but it was actually an incredible gift. Questioning everything about myself. Who I am. What I want. What’s important. What’s not. What I’m here for and what I most definitely am not here for.
Instead of trying to fit back into the old box that was my life before cancer it’s like the lid has been thrown off. No more boxes. Instead lots of open doors and I can choose which door I go through at anytime and I can also re-decide at any time.
Radical authenticity makes you realise and understand that you are actually limitless. All those limits that you’ve put on yourself have been exactly that – put on you, layer after layer.
I find it incredibly moving and such a privilege when I watch a client realise that they don’t have to live that way any more. They can make new decisions about themselves and how they are going to show up in the world. They get to choose and so do you.
As one of my diploma cohort put it, you get to be a messed up circle in a room full of squares if that’s what you want. You get to own your hell yes and your sacred no. You get to own your past and your story. You get to own your progress and your strength. You get to own your unknowns. You get to be you – unapologetically.
In our diploma closing ceremony we were asked to share a few words about each of our fellow coaches. My peers had obviously seen how deeply the concept of radical authenticity had touched me as nearly every one of them mentioned my authenticity. Here's just a few of the things they said:
“Just one of the most authentic people I’ve ever met. A walking permission slip to turn up and be unapologetic in being yourself.”
“Authentic, authentic, authentic. Compassionate and so wise.”
“Clare is so authentic she puts Brene Brown into the shade. An excellent therapeutic coach with soul, presence and aptitude.”
And that’s what I want. I want to give others permission to turn up and be unapologetic in being themselves. To lean into being radically authentic, limitless and free.
If you’ve been reading this and thinking – this – I need this. Then book yourself a jump-start (it needs a new name, I’m working on it). Give yourself the gift of the time and space to look at your life, ask "who am I now?" and make some new decisions.
