The power of being kind to yourself
Welcome to the third of our summer of blog revisits. In the spirit of slowing down this summer I’m carefully selecting past blogs to bring to your attention to both help you to have a great summer and allow me to do a little less work!
This week I’m re-sharing a blog that explores the importance of being kind to ourselves.
How many times a day do you say something negative, unkind or downright mean to yourself? Are you even conscious that you’re doing it? What would happen if you replaced that mean, negative voice with a loving supportive one? What would happen if we spoke to ourselves the same way we speak to someone we love and respect?
So many of us have decided that if we’re nice to ourselves then how could we possibly expect to grow or improve. We’ve got it into our heads that we have to be harsh with ourselves to get results. But think about it, when has being rude, aggressive, harsh and downright mean to someone got them to improve or do a better job for you? Short answer – never! You’re probably reading this thinking, “I wouldn’t know as I wouldn’t dream of speaking that way to someone else!” So why do we do it to ourselves? Shaming people or ourselves doesn't lead to self-improvement. Being kind to ourselves does!
When I’m working with my clients I begin to get an insight into the running commentary that their inner voice provides. “I’m not good enough”, “Someone like me could never…”, “I can’t…” , “I’ll never be able to because…”, “I’m not worthy…”. More often than not the client has never questioned any of these statements. And she is shocked when she hears me repeat the words she's just used about herself.
So, what can we do about it? The first thing I would suggest is to become conscious of this voice. Become aware of how you’re speaking to yourself and what you’re saying. Catch yourself and stop it. Ask yourself, is this how I’d speak to someone I loved? Ask yourself whether this would be an acceptable way for anyone else to speak to you? Odds are it isn’t!
Once you’re conscious of the voice try and spot when it happens. Is it when you’re tired and run down? Is it when you’ve made a mistake or feel out of your comfort zone? What could you do to ensure that you’re doing the harder things at a time when you’re higher in energy and feeling more positive?
We can train ourselves to speak to ourselves with more kindness. It can start by catching ourselves in the moment and speaking back to that mean voice. Try saying, “Thank you for your input but that’s not an acceptable way to speak to me.” This may sound a little ridiculous but it works. You’ve developed a habit of speaking to yourself negatively and like any habit you have to do something else to change or break it.
Using the above methods I’ve got my mean inner critic pretty much under control. But when low in energy or just plain old hungry the mean voice creeps in. “Look at the state of you” “You’re so lazy!” That has to be my favourite. Anyone who knows me will tell you that I’m the least likely person ever to be labelled lazy. Other than by tired, hungry me that is! But it’s occasional, no longer a constant mean companion.
How about you? Have you managed to quieten your inner critic? Do you speak to yourself with the love and respect you speak to those you care about?
