A new beginning - we get to choose our priorities

A fortnight ago I shared that my word for this year is flourish. We’re a month into the year now and I thought it might be helpful to share how this intention has made a difference so far. I hope it will inspire you to go all in with the intention you set.

I have to admit that I finished 2023 pretty exhausted and desperate for the Christmas break. I was expecting to go straight from my holiday into recovery from surgery so was expecting several months of rest. All that changed during the first week of my holiday when surgery was cancelled for the third time. Then on Christmas eve I started with a cough and cold that lasted three weeks. My Christmas break was not what I expected or planned. I started the New Year feeling under the weather and a bit deflated thanks to being back in NHS waiting list limbo. I knew that things needed to change.

I’ve written before about the importance of taking back control of the things you can but it was more than that. I knew that I needed to change my way of being. My way of thinking. My way of showing up for myself and others so that I don’t end up in a crash and burn cycle of energy use and depletion.

I also know from past experience that there's a difference between knowing something and doing something about it. I’ve always been proud of my independence, my ability to get stuff done no matter what, of my can-do attitude. But, sometimes this has been to my detriment. I’ve put work and the needs of my clients above my own needs. I’ve had too little sleep. I’ve been incredibly stressed and anxious due to the choices I’ve made.

I have two businesses. A consultancy and my coaching work. For the past six years I’ve thought nothing of working a full day in my consultancy business and then spending a few hours on my coaching work. Pre-cancer treatment this was doable. Not necessarily sensible but certainly doable. Post-cancer I’m dealing with fatigue and side effects and yet I’ve still tried to operate the same way. I’ve told myself I’m doing less and being easier on myself but in reality I was still doing or trying to do far too much. Result – I felt like I was letting myself down every time my body said enough and I had to give in and stop. But the fact was I was letting myself down by trying to do too much. By not accepting the new normal in my life.

So at the start of the year knowing that I’m choosing to flourish this year I asked myself what needed to change. And I confess I didn’t like some of the answers I came up with. But, I know that behaving the same way will not result in a version of me that is flourishing.
These are the questions I asked myself. Feel free to insert your word for the year to make them work for you.

• What will it mean to you to flourish?

• Why is it so important to you to flourish?

• How will it feel to flourish?

• What will be different when you are flourishing?

• What needs to change in order for you to flourish?

• What choices do you need to make to flourish this year?

• What choices do you need to make to flourish this month?

• What choices do you need to make to flourish this week?

• What choices do you need to make to flourish today?

• When making those choices feels hard, how will you remind yourself why flourishing is so important?

• What boundaries do you need to put in place for yourself to flourish?

• What boundaries do you need to put in place for others to flourish?

My answers included not doing any coaching work after a full day’s work in my consultancy business. That felt hard. Ironically it felt like I’d be holding myself back from making my coaching business flourish. The opposite of what I want. But when I was honest with myself I realised that nothing would flourish if I was in danger of wearing myself out. I am a woman who is dealing with fatigue and yet trying to behave like she did before treatment. I know I can only work every other week in my consultancy because of the fatigue. So why I think I can sit at my laptop and work after a full day’s work already is beyond me. And so I’m not.

The first week back in January was a test. I put things in place to ensure that I wasn’t tempted to work in the evenings. Did it feel weird? Did it feel hard? Well, it turns out no it didn’t. I was choosing to do exactly what my body and mind needed me to do, to rest and relax after a full day’s work.

It means planning and prioritising the time I have to work on my coaching so that the weeks I’m working in my consultancy I can relax and do things that bring me joy in the evenings. And that’s okay. It’s helping me to say no to things that aren’t that important. It’s helping me to work smarter not harder.

I’m hoping that by committing to asking myself what I need to do to flourish this week each Sunday evening I will be in a better place mentally and physically by the time I have surgery. That I’ll be well-rested, well-nourished and as strong as I can be for what’s ahead.
Try asking yourself the questions I’ve shared above in relation to your intention for this year and let me know how you get on.

A quick reminder before I go that our next “Who am I now and what’s next?” coffee and group coaching session is this coming Monday, 5th February at 7pm GMT. Our topic this month is the life-changing power of believing that you are enough. Please do join me. It’s totally free and a replay is available if you can’t make it live. All you need to do is sign up here to secure your free spot and access to the replay.