Turning disappointment into daily joy
I’m hoping that by the time you’re reading this I’ll be a few days into my recovery from major surgery. A strange thing to be hoping for I know but after three cancellations I really don’t want to be back in NHS waiting list limbo!
With that in mind I'm sharing the life lessons I’ve learned so that you too will be able to take back control in the face of disappointment.
For the benefit of those that are new to my world. A little bit of background. After finishing treatment for breast cancer I discovered I have the BRCA2 gene mutation. I went from thinking everything was behind me to making decisions about surgery. This meant I entered a world of what I’ve now named “NHS waiting list limbo.”
I had my first preventative surgery in July. The following fortnight was all about healing as quickly as possible as my next surgery was scheduled for 7th August. But, the evening of Friday 28th July I got an electronic letter telling me that my operation had been cancelled. I’d been warned this could happen but I was still devastated. I was back in NHS waiting list limbo. I was back to not being able to plan anything because I didn’t know when my surgery would be.
I hadn’t realised how much I was looking forward to getting control of my life back until it was taken away. I shared with a friend that the thing I was most upset about was not being able to plan anything. And what she said, changed my summer. “You need to find a new pathway to possibility.” She’s a member of my facebook community Pathways to possibilities and here she was quoting it back to me. And she was absolutely right. I didn’t know what that would look like but I went to bed that night with a little glimmer of hope in my heart.
Life lesson one - It’s okay to feel your feelings – we don’t have to be positive all the time – but don’t get lost in a deep pit of pity!
This didn’t mean that I didn’t allow myself to feel my feelings. I’m not here to preach toxic positivity. I felt let down, disappointed and frustrated. I honoured those feelings but I didn’t get stuck in them and by the beginning of August I had a plan. I’d remembered that during summer 2020 when we were in lockdown I ran my first group coaching programme. The last two weeks of the programme involved us all choosing a project and working on it every day. I decided to teach myself to draw. I had this huge mental block about my artistic abilities after a teacher telling me my drawing of a horse looked like a duck with four legs! I bought myself a learn to draw book and committed to drawing every day. That experience taught me two things, I can draw and I love it.
Life lesson two - We can find a different path forward. It may not be the one you wanted but work out what things you are in control of and make a plan.
Remembering this I decided I was going to commit to drawing every single day in August. I hadn’t used my art materials for months and I remembered the joy it had brought me the August of 2020. I commit to carving out a little bit of time every day to do something that I know brings me joy. And, I could do that no matter what was happening with NHS waiting lists
Life lesson three - Look for opportunities for daily pockets of joy.
And what did I learn? How satisfying it is to be creative. How my brain quietens and is in the moment when I pick up my art materials. And two weeks in my mum persuaded me to have a go with her water colours. Before the month was out I’d done two Craftsy watercolour classes and had to replace mum’s paints as I’d used them so much. I love watercolour. I’ve filled a couple of books already. And if my operation hadn’t been cancelled would I have even tried? Would I have found these moments of joy?
Life lesson four - Remember although we have no control over what happens we can choose how we react.
Before August was over I had a new October date for my operation. That meant I was able to make plans for my 50th birthday in September and book a holiday. I felt like I was back in control until the hospital rang on my birthday cancelling my surgery. Talk about devastating. But I had a choice. I could let it ruin my 50th birthday or I could remind myself that there are always things I can keep within my control.
I refused to let the news spoil my birthday or holiday the following week. What I did realise though was how much I was banking on having complete control of my life back by the new year. Surgery and recovery over with so I could start making real plans. Especially for my business, rather than feeling like I’m trying to run it with one foot on the brake.
Life lesson five - Be intentional. Once you’ve decided what you want to do – make sure you give yourself the gift of the time and energy required to do it.
So, I did what I did in August and asked myself what area of my life can I take control of? And again I found myself thinking back to that summer of lockdowns when so much was out of our control. I ran my first group coaching programme. I loved that so much and really want to run something similar again but while I’m at the mercy of NHS waiting list limbo it isn’t practical. So, I asked myself, “But what can I do?” And so I began the free monthly “Who am I now and what’s next?” coffee and coaching sessions. I didn’t overthink it. I picked a date, set up a page for you to sign up and got the message out there. I didn’t know how many of you would sign up but I knew was that it is a way of taking back control.
Just before Christmas my January date was cancelled. As I said at the start of this – I really hope that the February date has gone ahead by the time you’re reading this!
And in case you’ve skipped to the end – here’s the five life lessons I want you to learn:
It’s okay to feel your feelings – we don’t have to be positive all the time – but don’t get lost in a deep pit of pity!
We can find a different path forward. It may not be the one you wanted but work out what things you are in control of and make a plan.
Look for opportunities for daily pockets of joy.
Remember although we have no control over what happens we can choose how we react.
Be intentional. Once you’ve decided what you want to do – make sure you give yourself the gift of the time and energy required to do it.
