Choosing the bigger life
A couple of weeks ago I came across a Facebook post from Elizabeth Gilbert. It was three years old and has had 87,000 shares and I’m not surprised. It was on a topic that's very dear to my heart. Her then 73-year-old mother had said, “If you’re not dead, you’re not done yet” while issuing a gentle warning about not letting your life get smaller as you get older. She described how somewhere around the age of 50 to 60 she saw her peers stopping making goals for their life, making both their lives and their minds smaller.
Now, I’m not at that age yet, but 50 is certainly within sight and I already hear friends in their forties telling me that it’s too late for them to start the thing they want or to make the big change they’d really love in their life. Really? These are our mid years. These are the years when we’ve gained life experience and still (hopefully) have excellent health. These are the years that we should be making big plans and setting out on new adventures!
I’ve written before that we don’t know how long we’ve got and we should be making the most of our time, not putting off the things we really want to experience. I call this choosing the bigger life. It’s a phrase that Gretchen Rubin, the writer and podcaster uses a lot. She says that when she has a tough decision to make she tells herself to choose the bigger life. It's a wonderful phrase that, for me, encapsulates the idea of a richer and more expansive life. I know that I’m always at my happiest when my life feels expansive rather than contracted, but sometimes I feel that despite being busy my life feels like it has contracted.
Being occupied and busy is not that same as having a richness to life. I’m very aware that there are times in our lives when there are so many demands on our time and resources that choosing a bigger life seems beyond human possibilities, but it doesn’t have to be done in one big leap. What is it that you'd really like to do? What’s important to you right now?
Let’s say you’d like to widen your social circle and have more of a social life. You want to find a way to spend more time with like-minded people. Brainstorm what you could do. Go wild. Put down things on that list that you would never do in a million years. By giving yourself permission to be ridiculous your mind will get more creative and you’ll find yourself coming up with ideas that are worth considering that you probably wouldn’t have thought of otherwise.
Once you have your list choose between one and three that are really appealing and then begin to work on the how. What could you do to make these things happen? Let’s say you really fancy joining a book club, a choir or dance class. Make a list of the things that you could do to make it happen. Again, give your brain permission to come up with wild ideas that you’d never dream of doing as this will help the workable ideas come out too. Then look at that list and find the ideas that you can and are willing to action. If you find yourself resistant, slipping back into “this is too much like hard work” or “I haven’t got time” remind yourself why you want this. For me it comes down to wanting a bigger life, the one that makes me feel fulfilled and happy. The one that is about so much more than just work and running a household. What’s your why? What value will making this happen meet? Freedom and balance are really important values to me and when I do anything that moves me towards feeling freedom in my life – the freedom to do the things that light me up, the balance between work and play - then I am happiest.
Look at the things you could do and then decide which you are going to do and when. Write them down, put them in the diary. Start taking action. It’s all too easy to get to the end of a year and look back and realise that life has got smaller. That in all the busyness of work and home life has contracted.
I believe that life needs to be rich and satisfying. We can’t keep putting off the things that we know will make us happy. This is what motivates me in my work. I want women’s lives to feel joyful, no matter how busy or chaotic day-to-day family or work life may be because they are intentionally working towards goals that are grounded in their values and really meaningful to the life they want to create.
I’m passionate about helping you to create a life lived on your terms. Your life, your way. My unique coaching programme teaches you to listen to your inner wisdom, discern your path and create the life that lights you up. Would you like a free 20 minute exploratory call to find out more? During the call we’ll explore:
The life that you want to live.
What obstacles are currently stopping you.
What’s most important to make progress on first.
And then, if it feels right, how we could work together.
Click here to book your call and get 2020 off to the best possible start.
