How are you limiting yourself?
Last week I asked what you'd do if you were more confident. During the week something struck me that I want to share with you.
Generally speaking I would describe myself as a confident person as would the people who know me well. However sometimes I realise that lack of confidence has snuck in by another name. I see this in my clients too.
We all hold beliefs about ourselves. Often these beliefs can be rooted in childhood experiences and are so deep rooted that they go unquestioned.
The first weekend of my coaching diploma we were asked to think about something we’d like to change about ourselves. Something about who we are rather than what we look like. I knew immediately it was my shyness. (I can hear my mum and sister laughing now but I shall ignore them and continue!)
As a child I was painfully shy. The stairs in our house led straight into the living room and when we had guests, even people I’d known all of my life, I would have to steel myself to walk down the stairs into the crowded room. I used to rehearse what I was going to say in my head all of the time and parties made my physically sick. These are just a few examples and none of them were fun to live with.
We had to work in pairs taking it in turns to be coach and client.
“So,” said my partner, “tell me about how this shyness manifests?”
“I don’t really enjoy parties” I offered.
“What else?”
“Well I find large groups like this hard work.”
“And?”
To cut a long story short I had nothing else. Just a few questions made me see that I was no longer shy. I speak up in meetings, I enjoy socialising in smaller groups, I can strike up a conversation with most people, I’m quite good at small talk and I’m one of the very few who actually enjoys public speaking.
I was astounded. I’d been carrying around this limiting belief about being shy for decades and it hadn’t been true for at least the last 20 years if not longer.
Once I stopped labelling myself as shy I began to enjoy things so much more. Nothing had actually changed but I felt more confident. I wasn’t limiting myself by that label anymore. Within a few weeks I even realised that I enjoy parties. I hadn’t been enjoying them because I was so busy running the story in my head about being shy.
I had a client whose confidence in herself and her ability to achieve her goal was much lower than it should have been because she labelled herself as disorganised. Careful questioning and examination of the evidence of her lived experience revealed that she was in fact super organised. Her confidence and belief in what she could achieve shot up as a result.
Another client believed that she had to be perfect in everything she did or she was letting herself and everyone else down. It made her question everything she did and she was carrying around enormous amounts of energy draining guilt as a result.
Questioning that need to be perfect and reframing how she saw her responsibilities freed up so much mental and creative energy and her confidence soared as a result.
What limiting beliefs are you carrying around?
When did you last stop and examine their truth?
What if the opposite were true?
I’m passionate about helping as many women as possible to increase their self-belief and confidence so the week of 13th to 17th July I’m holding my very first free five day challenge on Facebook to help women like you (and me because I’ll be taking part too) to boost our confidence and self-belief.
Sign up and you’ll have access to my Facebook group where early each morning I’ll post a short five to ten minute video explaining that day’s challenge. I know we're all busy so the challenge will be something you can either easily build into your normal day or you can choose to spend as little as ten minutes on it if that's all you've got. We’ll then support each other through the day and in the evening I’ll be live in the group to answer questions and celebrate our wins.
The Sunday following the challenge everyone who fully engaged with every task will be entered into a prize draw and two lucky people will win an hour long one-to-one coaching session with me.
I know that we’re all busy so I have deliberately designed the challenge to consist of things that you can fit into your normal day. You can spend as little or as much time on them as suits you.
This challenge is for you if
You want to feel more confident
You want to boost your self-belief
You’re ready to feel more in control of your own life
You want to feel supported by other women
even if you’re super busy, feeling overwhelmed, stressed or totally uninspired by life right now!
I’m really excited about this. Who’s with me?
The link to sign up is here.
I can’t wait for this chance to support you on your journey and to get to know you better.
