How has it been twenty years?

Twenty years ago this week we lost my gorgeous, funny, kind and loving dad to cancer.

I can't quite believe it's been twenty years.

Twenty years of memories and events that he hasn't been there for.

But in those two decades I've lost count of the times I've said,

"Dad would have loved this."

"Dad would have been so proud."

"This would have fascinated dad." etc.

He's lived on in our hearts. He's lived on in our actions. He didn't just tell my sister and me how to live a good life, he showed us, he led by example. He left a legacy of love, faith, kindness, strength, integrity and humour.

There have been times over the last 20 years when I've really wished he was still with us. Moments when he'd have known exactly what to say and what to do to make things easier.

There has been just one moment when I was glad he wasn't here - the day I found out I'd inherited the faulty BRCA2 gene from him. A gene mutation he didn't know or even suspect he carried. And I know he'd have wished it wasn’t so and blamed himself for my breast cancer diagnosis. Wrongly so, but we're all human!

Cancer ended his life at 65. At 51 I've already heard the words, "we found cancer" twice. Rather than worrying about how long I may have left, whether those unwanted cancer cells will be back again, I choose to live a life that would make dad smile, fill him with wonder and joy.

Thanks for everything dad.