Living, not just surviving: reclaiming joy after cancer

Last week Catherine, the Princess of Wales, spoke openly about how difficult life after cancer treatment can be. In the words of the BBC she “spoke candidly about the life-changing, long-term challenges of recovering after chemotherapy.”

The princess described how during treatment you put on a brave face but afterwards it can still feel very difficult. One phrase she used really struck me, “You’re not able to function normally at home as you perhaps once used to.” She’s not talking about going out to work being too much. She’s talking about the normal day-to-day stuff of living and family life.

Those of us who have lived through cancer treatment, especially if we’ve had chemotherapy, know the truth of this. I finished my active treatment in April 2022. I now have osteopenia, an under active thyroid, high cholesterol and fatigue to deal with. I’m not going to sugarcoat it, there are days when life is really hard. There are days when I know I haven’t even got enough energy for a shower. I can’t drive after about 1pm as I just don’t feel safe as my fatigue gets worse as the day progresses.

This isn’t a pity party. This is my lived reality. As the nurse doing my bone density scan said to me as I listed off my medication and she was looking at my broken foot and ankle, “Cancer isn’t just the gift that keeps on giving. We ask you to step onto an escalator when you start treatment and what we don’t tell you is you never get to get off that escalator.”

There are many of us who have probably commented on how well the Princess of Wales looks and I hear it about myself all the time. Someone asks me how I am and when I’m honest they tell me, “But you look so well.” And don’t get me wrong, I’ve very grateful to look much better than I feel but it’s hard.

In fact in December it had got so hard that my hair was falling out. I hurt everywhere, my fatigue was off the scale and I’d developed rosacea. I saw my GP who sent me for bloods. When they all came back normal I rang my breast care team who got me an appointment with my surgeon. I then spent January having scans and tests to ensure that I hadn’t developed metastatic breast cancer. Happily all the tests came back clear and the diagnosis was that it’s “just fatigue!” And the advice was to learn to live with it.

So, I’ve had to find a way to ensure that I don’t end up in that burnt out state again, whilst still living, earning a living and also trying to enjoy life. The irony is that this is what I help my clients to do all the time. But as any coach will tell you it’s much easier to read the label on a jar from outside it, not when you’re in it!

December was a horrible wake up call for me. I sat in a church just before Christmas watching my mum perform with the choir I used to belong to thinking about how I’ve been putting off rejoining the choir until life is easier and I’m traveling less for work. As my body ached and I worried that it was far more sinister than “just fatigue” I realised that I couldn’t afford to put off the things I love. I had to find a way to do them now.

And find a way I did. I’m back in that choir. I’ve sung in two concerts with them so far and I’m loving every minute of it. Yes it takes energy I don’t always have. Yes it means practising at home. Yes it means asking people for lifts. But, it’s worth it. It’s like I’ve come home to myself. It gives me a disproportionate amount of joy. It makes me feel like I’m living, not just existing. It means that there is more to life than working then recovering from working!

Life after cancer is hard for many of us. We don’t talk about it enough as a society, especially when one in two of us will get cancer in our lifetimes. So many of us do our best to struggle on, not make a fuss, not cause anyone else any difficulties, not complain. But, who is that serving? What if we asked for what we needed? What if we allowed ourselves to let go of what’s not important and save up time, energy and resources for the things that light us up, bring us joy and make life worth living?

This is exactly what I do with my clients. If you know now is the time to stop waiting for things to get better and start finding a way to live with, dare I say it, “the new normal” then get in touch. I offer a free 20 minute chat to discuss where you are up to and how we can work together to find your confidence, freedom and joy for life again. Here’s the link you need.