I'm not the same and never will be again
Cast your mind back to this time two years ago. We were, believe it or not, still living with social distancing, face masks and very confusing quarantine rules but with the promise that by the end of July all restrictions would end.
On 30th July I was sitting in a breast surgeon’s office with my mum and heard the words “I’m really sorry but as we suspected it is cancer and it’s reached your lymph nodes.”
Over the next ten months that was one of only two appointments where I was allowed to have someone with me. My surgery was booked for just ten days later and in order to prevent it being delayed I had to shield.
And so as the world opened up again my world got much smaller. I’m not going to bore you, or me, with all the details but what followed was ten months of surgery, chemo and radiotherapy. During that time I missed my nephew’s First Holy Communion and my sister’s wedding. Thank goodness for churches with webcams!
It was brutal but necessary and I got to the end of that ten months grateful but broken. On my last day of radiotherapy I took chocolates and a card for the lovely team looking after me and when they realised it was my very last day of treatment they said, “Well in that case you need to ring the bell!” So two of them took me down the corridor, one to take a photo and the other to clap me because I was of course alone – thank you covid!
Why am I telling you all this? Because the last two years have taught me so much. Not least the fact that I’m not the same and never will be again. And do you know what? That’s okay. It really is. I’ve got to explore who I am now and what I truly want in life. And I encourage anyone else who has been through a massive change in life to do the same.
Don’t get me wrong I loved so much about the old me and my life and I needed a time to mourn some of those loses. But, here I was with a chance to reassess, to reinvent myself, to work out who I am now and what I really want from life and I took it with both hands.
Instead of running at that locked door, trying to shoulder my way through it I looked in the other direction at the many doors I could choose to walk through. All with keys available for me to open and explore. I’ve learnt to say, “I’m not the same…and that’s okay!” and I can teach you to do the same no matter what life has thrown at you.
If you too are sick of trying to force your way through a firmly closed door, then come and join my free facebook community where I can help you to explore this new version of you.
