What do you prioritise every day?
As we continue our series of summer blog revisits, I thought I’d highlight this one about prioritising our own priorities. Those of you who have taken part in my Grow Your Confidence challenge will know that I'm a great believer in the importance of not only prioritising but prioritising YOUR priorities before everyone else’s.
No, this doesn’t make you incredibly selfish or self-centred or any other negative description of yourself. It’s the action of a confident person.
The action of a woman who knows that when she is prioritising her own needs she is much better able to be there for the other people in her life. We can’t expect to keep making demands of ourselves without giving anything back to ourselves!
Don’t just take my word for it, the lovely Rebecca who took part in the challenge said,
“Clare helped me to understand that the best way to be there for my family and work is to prioritise me for a proportion of my day. Focusing on what makes me happy and puts a bit of sparkle in my life has made me happier, more productive and confident too!”
And how do we do this? We are intentional and prioritise our priorities first.
Starting the day with a vague notion that at some point you’ll get around to having the walk in the fresh air that will do you so much good or you’ll make that appointment for a haircut, or read or indeed write a chapter of your own book won’t get it done. You’ll plough through the list of the many other priorities – family, work, pets, friends, household chores – and get to the end of the day and the priority that was just about you is still on the list for tomorrow.
Start the day either with your own priorities or with a firm plan of when your priorities will be dealt with. Make a commitment to get out for your walk at lunchtime. Set a reminder on your phone to make that appointment. Set a time to stop work for the day and schedule in time for you before you move onto the rest of your to-do list.
I have clients, busy mums who’ve come to me really struggling to fit in anything just for them. They are telling themselves that they don’t have time and our brains are really clever. They are programmed to go off and look for evidence of what we’re telling ourselves. So, if you’re constantly saying “I haven’t got time” or “I haven’t got time for anything for me” then your brain will just keep presenting you with evidence of the truth of that statement rather than looking for ways you can create time for your own needs.
Once I start asking the powerful questions for them and get them to think creatively these busy women often come to realise that it’s by carving out small time slots for themselves that they can get their stuff done – deal with their priorities. By letting go of the “if I haven’t got a full day, or half a day or even a full hour there is no point” belief.
One client writes her blogs and emails for her business in the 20-minute slot after getting her daughter home from school. Her daughter loves to have a snack and to be allowed to watch cartoons as an after school treat. She doesn’t care that mum is on her laptop just that as mum is in the room with her!
Another client committed to carving out two ten-minute slots a day to do something just for her. She had got so used to prioritising everyone else’s needs – her family, her work – that the notion of doing anything that was just for her had become alien. By the end of just a fortnight doing this she realised that her resilience and self-confidence had both increased and her stress levels reduced.
How often do you find yourself feeling resentful of your colleagues or even loved ones because you’re doing so much for them and never meeting your own needs? We need to ask ourselves why it’s happening. Do they even know how you feel? What can you do about it?
It’s when we ask ourselves these powerful questions that we can bring about change. I have clients who have realised that they’ve been operating under the belief that “But I shouldn’t have to ask!” The thing is, even those of us with incredibly supportive and loving families – we can’t expect them to be mind readers. If you need more help at home or work then you need to ask for it. There is no shame in it!
I’ve had clients realise that they’ve been telling themselves stories about having to do more at home because they work less hours or earn less money or because that’s what their mum did. The family then gets used to the status quo. Ask for help. Expect more of those around you.
When we prioritise our needs we’re better able to set boundaries for ourselves and others. We build up resilience as we are giving to ourselves not just expecting more and more from ourselves. We’re less likely to be resentful of our colleagues and loved ones and we’ll be happier and more confident!
I hope this has provided lots of food for thought.
