Managing the chaos: six effective strategies to deal with overwhelm
Today I’m sharing six concrete methods we can use to help us when we’re feeling overwhelmed. And I say we because I’ve been there. The methods below have helped me and my clients.
Now the nature of overwhelm is that everything feels too much and so it is very easy to be offered ways to deal with it and decide you can’t do that because you’re too overwhelmed and then it becomes a vicious circle. Bearing this in mind I’m not providing a step by step you have to do this, then this, then this. Instead think of this as a pick and mix of things that work.
My first suggestion is to breathe. Take a moment, step away, breathe and bring yourself into the moment. A lot of the feelings of overwhelm come from what ifs and thinking about what needs to be done next, bring yourself into your body and be in the moment. Slow your breath down. Make sure that you are breathing into your lungs properly and not doing that fast, shallow breathing we all do when we are stressed and anxious. Be in the moment. The odds are that nine times out of ten when you do this there is nothing in that moment to be causing you the amount of stress that is coursing through your body and if there is, being fully present and breathing properly in order to deal with it will always help.
My second suggestion is to do a brain dump. Get a pen and paper and get it all out of your brain and onto paper. Don’t worry about spelling, grammar, handwriting just get it all out. This stops it going round and round your head which is always a relief. If it’s written down somewhere you don’t have to keep running that list through your mind. Getting it down on paper can help it feel more manageable and I often find that in the act of writing it down solutions or steps towards managing the situation come to mind.
My third suggestion is delegation. If you’ve done a brain dump you’ll already have a list of everything you currently have on your plate which will make thinking about delegation a little easier. I know that in the short term delegation can take work but in the longer term it will make your life easier if it’s been done properly – ie delegated to the right person. This could look like hiring a cleaner to come in once a week or once a fortnight or deciding that it’s time the children do more at home. Trying to do everything yourself because you do it better or faster or because it’s easier than explaining it to anyone else doesn’t give others the opportunity to grow and learn and what happens if you're ill or want a holiday? Delegation is important.
Before I move on to the next suggestion I want to acknowledge the “But I shouldn’t have to ask” when it comes to delegation at home. Yes, I agree in a household with more than one adult or with older children it’s so easy to think, but I shouldn’t have to ask. Why can no one else see that the kitchen bin needs emptying? Why can no one else see that I’m sinking? That I’m spinning more plates than any one woman could possibly manage. The fact is though, our loved ones aren’t mind readers. Our loved ones think we’re doing a brilliant job and don’t want to interfere. Our loved ones have got their own things going on and barely register what’s in front of them sometimes. Does this let them off the hook? No, but by digging your heels in and saying I shouldn’t have to ask or if they really loved me I wouldn’t have to ask you aren’t helping yourself. Know that you are not alone. There are people up and down the country telling themselves they shouldn’t have to ask but they need to. Don’t let the situation get worse by not asking for help because you feel you shouldn’t need to ask. Ask, deal with the why you had to ask at a later date but ask for the help you need and delegate those tasks you don’t need to be doing.
Suggestion number four is to have a look at your boundaries. This is about both working out why you’re so overwhelmed in the first place and making sure nothing else ends up on your to do list while you’re feel overwhelmed., You need to know what your boundaries are. It can be things like I’m no on more than two committees at work. I don’t commit to more than one night out during the working week. I need to be in bed by 11pm during term time.
What are you saying yes to that really you want to or need to be saying no to? It is much easier to say no when you are clear about what your boundaries are, but if this is something you know you struggle with, I have a free download – saying no with confidence and without guilt!
Fifth on my list of methods to deal with overwhelm is to decide on the three most important things to get done and stick to those. If you’ve done your brain dump you’ve already got everything on paper. You pick the three most important things and forget about the rest for now and concentrate on those three. This works really well when you're feeling pulled in far too many directions. You make a decision and stick to it and it gives you the opportunity to concentrate on what’s in front of you and most important. The amount that needs to be done hadn’t changed but only allowing yourself to think about those three things on the list each day keeps you focused and reduces overwhelm.
And finally, if you’re feeling overwhelmed be kind to yourself. Our instinct may be to knuckle down and get everything done but what we really need to do is double down on the self-care and kindness to ourselves. We need rest and sleep – none of us are superhuman. We need nourishing food, we need to hydrate ourselves and to move our bodies. Make sure you give yourself time to do the things you enjoy.
In summary these are my suggestions to help you with overwhelm:
Take a moment to breathe and be present with what is actually happening right now. Get out of your head and into the present moment.
Do a brain dump. Get everything out of your head and onto paper.
Delegate and don’t expect the people around you to be mind readers. Ask for the help you need.
Have a look at your boundaries and start saying no
Pick the three most important things and forget about the rest for the rest of the day and remember that done is better than perfect.
Be kind to yourself and up your self-care. Remember to get the rest, sleep, nourishment and exercise your body needs and to spend time doing things you enjoy not just working!
I do hope that by putting some of these suggestions into practice you stop feeling so overwhelmed.
If you are struggling with overwhelm at the moment I have room in my calendar for Confidence Jump-start bookings.
This is for women who feel like they're spinning all the plates and not making any progress other than running themselves into the ground! You know you need to stop putting yourself last!
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