The importance of doing the inner work to feel confident
This month is a three-episode month for my podcast, Unlock Your Confidence with Clare Walsh. As such I’ve decided to create a three-part mini-series exploring the issues that my clients bring to their sessions with me. Writing and recording the episodes got me thinking about what it is that makes some women invest the time, energy and money in being coached with me whilst others just keep telling themselves that they can’t. The women I work with come from all sorts of backgrounds. Employed, self-employed, out of work after redundancy, mums looking to return to work, women who’ve just been promoted, women starting or growing businesses or side hustles, the list goes on. And these women range from their early thirties to their sixties. I love the variety.
The common theme is a desire for confidence and clarity in order to move forward and that’s what motivates them to invest the time, energy and money in themselves.
I had the client who told me that she no longer wanted to spend every waking hour worrying about work and carrying a cloud around with her.
The client who wanted to get her inner critic under control so that she would no longer be lying awake at 4am rerunning every conversation and worrying about the coming days, weeks and months at work.
The client who wanted to feel more confident in meetings and be able to say no when she needed to!
Every one of these women achieved what they wanted. The cloud of worry disappeared, the inner critic was put in her place and meetings stopped being a worry as she learnt to speak up and say no when she needed to. And for some of these women these had been patterns and behaviours of decades that they turned around.
What is the difference between them and the women who keep telling me and themselves that they’d love to work with me, to do my course or group coaching programme but they just can’t find the time or the money?
I think there are a few things going on. In some cases the woman is just no longer willing to accept the status quo and knows that without help she isn’t going to move forward.
In other cases it’s mindset. The knowledge and belief that investing in herself is important. That it’s her responsibility not anyone else’s.
The thing is, those women who don’t feel that they can allow themselves to invest the time, energy or money in their self-development will already be investing time, energy and money in the external stuff that helps them feel more confident. I can say this with confidence because we all do it. We buy clothes, make up, perfume, have our hair done, manicures, pedicures, facials, waxing… the list goes on. We do these things to make ourselves feel better, to feel more confident about how we look. Me included. If I’m giving a presentation I want to make sure that I feel confident about how I look. If I’m going to a big event I want to present myself in the best way I can.
The trouble is though so many of us stop there. We’re willing to make the time, energy and monetary investment in the outer stuff to help us feel more confident but don’t even consider the possibility of making the same sort of investment in the inner work. And, I’m really sorry but even the most beautiful outfit and hair will not keep your inner critic silent. Using the best hair and skin products won’t deal with the perfectionism that is holding you back from following your dream.
We’ve been trained by society expectations to invest in the outer stuff. Every time we open a magazine or switch on the tv or our phones there are the adverts telling us we’re worth it.
You are worth it. But, you’re also worth the investment in the inner work so that you aren’t holding yourself back. So that you aren’t letting insecurities, imposter syndrome, perfectionism and all the other confidence killers keep you from the life you could be living. The one when you aren’t lying awake at night worrying.
Is this one big sales pitch? No, it really isn’t. This is an important message. We need to do the inner work – all of us. Whether that is buying a book, doing a course, seeing a therapist or working with a coach. We don’t have to try to do everything on our own.
Lockdown taught so many of us just how much we value our hairdressers, manicurists and beauticians when we were trying to do our own treatments at home. Just as we don’t have to put up with unruly hair, pale skin or hairy legs (unless we want to of course – no judgement here!) we don’t have to put up with lack of confidence or self-belief either.
Give this some thought. Are you in the camp willing to invest in the inner work or have you been telling yourself you couldn’t possibly invest the time, energy and money in yourself? Be honest and look at how much you are in fact already investing in the outer stuff to build your confidence whether that be a lipstick, hair appointment, waxing or that posh shampoo that promises the world.
Your dreams for yourself and your future are worth the time, you are worth the energy and you are worth the money.
If this has prompted you to action then I have several options for you to get you started:
✔ Sign up for seven days of journaling prompts to ignite your confidence and self-belief for just £17
✔ Purchase the Confidence Launchpad - my self-taught confidence course designed to sky-rocket your confidence! Just £47
✔ Book a Confidence Jump-Start - an hour of powerful coaching followed by seven days of email support for just £97.
