The importance of me-time
There are often common themes with the women I work with. One that comes up time and again is the importance of me-time and the difficulty in carving it out. We hear a lot about work-life balance but I have an issue with that. It always conjures up the image of a playground seesaw with work at one end and the rest of my life on the other. For me that looks and feels so out of balance before we even start as it implies a 50-50 spit. The idea that work takes up half of life and everything else has to be fitted into the other half.
Now don’t get me wrong, I’m all about balance. In fact it’s one of my most important core values. However, I want a balance across my life, not just work/life. I know that I need to keep an eye on all areas of my life to feel in balance. When I’m working with my one-to-one coaching clients we use the wheel of life to examine each area of their life. This segments of the wheel can include family, romantic relationship, work, finances, home environment, friendships, fun/leisure and health for example, but it's honed to each client’s needs. We then look at how she’d like life to be in each of those areas and how it actually is, before deciding where energy needs to be focused to start bringing about the changes she wants to create.
Looking at the completed wheel with the lines showing where we are compared to where we want to be gives a really good visual of what’s out of balance in our lives. I did this exercise a couple of years ago and my health segment was so out of balance with everything else that it really pushed me into taking much better care of myself – to prioritise my health over other things. A few changes around the choices I was making day-to-day – prioritising sleep, getting out for lunchtime walks, cutting out sugar etc. and life began to improve in other areas too because I was better rested, had more energy, was eating more nutritious food.
A similar exercise at the beginning of January made me realise that although I’ve continued to prioritise my health I’d slipped into the habit of working every night, sometimes all evening. So, I’ve prioritised having some downtime every day – time when I do something that I find restful, relaxing or fun. Sometimes that’s catching up with a tv programme, reading, knitting, putting on a face mask or ringing a friend for a natter and some laughter.
My clients are often busy mums. When they look at their wheel of life they often realise that the areas that are feeling out of balance and neglected are often the ones that require me-time. Time to meet up with friends, time to visit the hairdresser, time to get out for a run or go to the gym, time to prepare a lunch to take to work rather than grabbing a sandwich at a coffee shop or missing eating altogether.
Me-time is not all about disappearing on spa days, although there’s nothing wrong with that. It’s the time that allows us to focus on the things that matter to us personally. It’s the time that gives us mental and physical space and respite. It’s the time that lets us reconnect with who we are and what’s important to us. It’s the time that allows our minds to slow down before we try to get to sleep. It's the time that allows us to listen to our inner wisdom.
Often my clients tell me that they really need some me-time but they just can’t see how they can fit anything else into their full life. This often stems from an all or nothing mentality. If I can’t have a whole day or half a day then what’s the point? However, I have clients who've realised that carving out 15 minutes to concentrate on themselves and what’s important to them has made a huge difference to them feeling in balance. One client realised that the 15 minutes it takes to walk home after she drops her daughter at school is me-time. She loves being outside and seeing the changing seasons and instead of seeing this as something to be hurried through as she rushes to the next task on that day’s list, she’s realised it’s a wonderful opportunity to be mindful and think, to listen to her inner wisdom.
Another client realised that now her daughter is a little older she doesn’t necessarily want or need her undivided attention when she gets in from school. So now, she makes sure that all the things related to her side-business are downstairs in her laptop bag. When she and her daughter get home if her daughter decides she wants a snack and to watch a cartoon my client settles her down and then sits with her and works on her laptop for 15 to 20 minutes. She’s present, available if her daughter does want to talk but getting something creative done that’s for her. Previously she thought that if she didn’t have a least an hour to herself then what was the point? Now she loves these 20-minute sessions that she manages to fit into her week.
Me-time is about giving yourself space to do the things that you enjoy. It doesn’t matter whether that is exercise, being pampered or doing a little work on your side hustle. It’s what’s important to you that matters, not what anyone else’s idea of well-used me-time is. It’s about your values, not anyone else’s. What is important is that you find ways to fit it into your week to create the life balance that suits you and your circumstances in this season of your life.
If you'd like help working out how to balance the areas of your life so that you're living a life that feels aligned and lights you up then book a free exploratory call. During the call we’ll explore:
The life that you want to live.
What obstacles are currently stopping you.
What’s most important to make progress on first.
I’ll answer any questions you have and then, if it feels right, we’ll discuss how we could work together.
