You're not broken, your rule book is: the invisible rules running your life
Growing up, I created all sorts of rules for myself. And so did you.
When you were really small, you started making decisions about your safety and how you could belong and survive. We all have this natural instinct to work out how we have to be in order to belong and not be rejected. And this happens even if you were in the most beautiful, loving family and had the happiest of childhoods.
As a tiny baby and up to the age of seven, you were constantly making these decisions in an undeveloped brain that only had a very limited understanding of the world. You were deciding how you had to be, who you had to be, how you had to think, feel and behave in order to be allowed to stay in your family. In other words, in order to stay alive—because if you’re not in this family, then who’s going to look after you? How will you survive?
It’s not conscious—it’s unconscious—and it stays living in your subconscious until you actually look at it, examine it, and realise the layers or rules that you’re existing under.
And of course, it’s not only those layers of rules and expectations you put on yourself. As you grow beyond the age of seven, you begin to take on the expectations of others. Deciding, this is how I’m meant to behave as a woman or as a man. This is how I’m meant to think and behave as a member of this faith group. This is how I’m meant to think and behave as a person who lives in this town or even in this specific area of this town.
You take on all these layers of rules and expectations and it’s like a huge rule book dictating your operating system. And you’re running on this operating system without even looking at it most of the time—never mind questioning it.
But then something happens. You reach a point where you’re feeling lost, not yourself, or like you’re quietly falling apart. You’ve been the one who always achieves, is always in control, has it all together—and suddenly you’re not. And you’re waiting for other people to realise, dreading the consequences of that: Will I lose my job, my business, my relationship?
And I know that place because I’ve been there too. My life imploded with a cancer diagnosis—but little did I realise that it was life after active treatment finished that was going to be the hardest. I was lost, broken, exhausted, and had no idea who I was anymore.
There have been many stages on my journey to where I am now—but one of the most powerful and life-giving was looking at the rule book I’d created for myself, examining my own operating system, and making new and different choices and decisions.
One way I describe this to my clients is: think of your mobile phone. You get a message that there is an update to the operating system ready to download and install. And you decide not to do it because you like the way your phone works right now and you don’t want to be messing with it or having to get used to anything new. As the weeks turn to months, you get more and more messages: “There’s an update for your phone. You need to schedule the update. Please update your phone.” And you keep ignoring them. Eventually there comes a point when your phone starts saying, “Sorry, you cannot use WhatsApp anymore because it is not compatible with the operating system on your phone.” And you have to choose between the upgrade or doing without WhatsApp.
And you become like that. The rules and expectations that have been layered upon you become so misaligned with who you really are that you’re no longer functioning properly in the world. Nothing feels right. You don’t know who you are anymore. You feel like you’re broken. You feel like you’re failing.
And that’s where I can help. I can help you see below the surface and gently begin to remove all those layers and come home to yourself. All that weight that’s suppressing who you really are. I can help stop you lying awake at night worrying that everything is falling apart. Stop you feeling stuck, overwhelmed, and just low-level unhappy most of the time.
I call it radical authenticity. It is a game changer. It is incredible. One woman who worked with me recently said, “I have found my true and real self working with Clare.” And when she came to work with me, she didn’t know that’s what she needed. She just knew she needed some help to feel like herself again so she could face the next chapter of her life. What she got was so much more—her true and real self, who can face the world and her future with confidence and hope and joy.
And I want that for you too.
My coaching is where depth meets clarity. I go beyond surface-level symptoms—like perfectionism, people-pleasing or brain fog—and get to the root of what’s really going on: an outdated “operating system” built on rules that no longer serve who you’ve become. Together, we rewrite those rules so you can live as the most radically authentic version of you. Calm. Clear. Free.
So how do you start? I hear you ask.
Well, it’s your lucky day. I’m celebrating the sixth birthday of my coaching business and until 24th May I’m offering my therapeutic coaching taster package—the beginning of your journey—for half of its usual price.
This is a unique opportunity to work with me one-to-one in a focused, powerful way—to untangle the surface-level symptoms and gently uncover the deeper truth of what’s really going on.
You’ll walk away with insight, clarity, and your next steps. Not just to feel better in the moment, but to start becoming the most radically authentic, joyful version of you.
You don’t need to push harder, fix yourself, or figure it all out alone. You just need someone who sees beneath the surface and walks beside you as you begin to come home to yourself.
I created this package so that you could experience the power and possibilities of therapeutic coaching without having to make a big initial commitment in either time or money.
Use code SIXTHBIRTHDAY at checkout by 24th May and you’ll secure your taster package at half price. You can then book your first coaching session at a time that suits you.