What would happen if you were kind to yourself?
How many times a day do you say something negative, unkind or downright mean to yourself? Are you even conscious that you’re doing it? What would happen if you replaced that mean, negative voice with a loving supportive voice? What would happen if we spoke to ourselves the same way we speak to someone we love and respect?
So many of us have decided, consciously or not, that if we’re nice to ourselves then how could we possibly expect to grow or improve? We’ve got it into our heads that we have to be harsh with ourselves to get results. But think about it, when has being rude, aggressive, harsh and downright mean to someone else got them to improve or do a better job for you? Short answer – never!
You’re probably reading this thinking, “I wouldn’t know as I wouldn’t dream of speaking that way to someone else!” So why do we do it to ourselves? Shaming people or ourselves doesn't lead to self-improvement. Being kind to ourselves does!
When I’m working with my clients I begin to get an insight into the running commentary that their inner voice provides. “I’m not good enough”, “Someone like me could never…”, “I can’t…” , “I’ll never be able to because…”, “I’m not worthy…”.
More often than not the client has never questioned any of these statements and is shocked when she hears me repeat the words she's just used about herself. So, what can we do about it?
The first thing I would suggest is to become conscious of this voice. Become aware of how you’re speaking to yourself and what you’re saying. Catch yourself and stop it. Ask yourself, is this how I’d speak to someone I loved? Ask yourself whether this would be an acceptable way for anyone else to speak to you? Odds are it isn’t!
Once you’re conscious of the voice try and spot when it happens. Is it when you’re tired and run down? Is it when you’ve made a mistake or feel out of your comfort zone? What could you do to ensure that you’re doing the harder things at a time when you’re higher in energy and feeling more positive?
We can train ourselves to speak to ourselves with more kindness. It can start by catching ourselves in the moment and speaking back to that mean voice saying, “Thank you for your input but that’s not an acceptable way to speak to me.” This may sound a little ridiculous but it works. You’ve developed a habit of speaking to yourself negatively and like any habit you have to do something else to change or break it.
Using the above methods I’ve got my mean inner critic pretty much under control. But when low in energy or just plain old hungry the mean voice creeps in. “Look at the state of you” “You’re so lazy!” That has to be my favourite. Anyone who knows me will tell you that I’m the least likely person ever to be labelled lazy. Other than by tired, hungry me that is! But it’s occasional, no longer a constant mean companion.
How about you? Have you managed to quieten your inner critic? Do you speak to yourself with the love and respect you speak to those you care about? Would you like some help with it?
I’m running a free five day grow your confidence challenge in my facebook group the week of 5th - 9th October. One of the things we’ll be doing that week is tackling our inner critic.
This challenge is for you if:
• There are things you dream of doing if only you felt more confident
• You want to boost your self-belief
• You’re ready to feel more in control of your own life
• You want to feel supported by other women
even if you’re super busy, feeling overwhelmed, stressed or totally uninspired by life right now!
I’ve deliberately designed the challenge with busy women in mind. There will be a short five to ten minute video to watch each morning setting that day's task. The task itself will be something that you can fit into your day with relative ease. Then I pop into the group live each evening to answer questions, offer extra insights and cheer you on! The Sunday following the challenge everyone who fully engaged with every task will be entered into a prize draw and two lucky people will win a one-to-one coaching session with me.
This is what some of the participants had to say about the last challenge:
“Clare is very insightful and I found the five day confidence challenge a refreshing perspective! The sessions were short but impactful - ideal for a busy mum like me. I liked the recorded video in the morning and then the live opportunity to ask questions in the evening. I struggled to watch the sessions live as my daughter wasn't very well that week but this was not a problem as I could catch up in my own time!
I had a few breakthroughs about 'stories' I’d been telling myself and plenty of lightbulb moments! I learnt to trust myself more and my confidence in my ability to complete things grew!” - Laura
“Following the five day challenge I finally began to understand that the best way to be there for my family and work was to prioritise me for a proportion of my day. After all I did it for everything else in my life – why not me? Focusing on what makes me happy has put a bit of sparkle in my life making me happier, more productive and confident too! Clare has helped me massively in a very short space of time.” – Rebecca
“Thanks for running the challenge. I loved your friendly presence and encouragement in the group. The tasks were the right length for me to be able to engage and I enjoyed listening to the evening chats.
Clare has a compassionate and easy style making each person feel important and listened to, taking time to comment personally on each contribution. If you want this gentle yet personal support in your life Clare is the person to work with. Look out for her next five day challenge and see for yourself the difference it can make.” - Jeannette
Click here to secure your place on the challenge. Let’s be kinder to ourselves and build our confidence together.
I’m really excited about this. Who’s with me?
The link to sign up is here.
I can’t wait for this chance to support you on your journey and to get to know you better.
