I’m hoping that by the time you’re reading this I’ll be a few days into my recovery from major surgery. A strange thing to be hoping for I know but after three cancellations I really don’t want to be back in NHS waiting list limbo!

With that in mind I'm sharing the life lessons I’ve learned so that you too will be able to take back control in the face of disappointment.

A fortnight ago I shared that my word for this year is flourish. We’re a month into the year now and I thought it might be helpful to share how this intention has made a difference so far. I hope it will inspire you to go all in with the intention you set.

Setting an intention for the whole year provides a word to guide, remind and inspire. I’ve been doing this for many years now, in fact I’ve worked out that 2024 will be my ninth year. The first year I chose embrace. I wanted to embrace what life had to offer, new opportunities, new experiences, the people I love.

A short one from me this week to wish you a very happy festive season whatever it is that you choose to celebrate this time of year.

For me it's a religious festival and I really enjoy the build up to Christmas during this season of Advent. I think there will be a lot of very excited children at church on Sunday morning, Christmas Eve!

I also love to take time to stop and acknowledge the winter solstice. It’s that knowledge that we’ve done it. We’ve reached the longest night of the year and the days are very, very slowly going to get longer. The light is on its way back. Or as it was so beautifully put in a Christmas episode of Doctor Who a few years ago, “We’re halfway out of the dark.”

Winter is not my favourite time of the year. I’m not a lover of the long dark nights and the dark mornings. A diagnosis of seasonal affected disorder about 15 years ago helped me to realise that I’m not alone in this. My light box is my best friend – it’s on while I’m writing this in fact!

That said though I’m always determined not to have a miserable time. I go all out to make sure that I get the most I can from this season and ensure that I enjoy as much as possible. I do this by being really intentional. In previous years I’ve written myself a list of the things that I love about the season and want to make sure I don’t miss.

I’m a great lover of lists. Always have been. I start every morning with my list in the todoist app on my phone and love getting things ticked off.

But, there’s always the risk that in dealing with the daily to-dos (the exercise, chores, business and life admin) we forget about or keep putting off the big stuff. I don’t mean the things that are harder or less fun to do like my self-assessment tax return. That was on my list daily for nearly a month before I finally did it! No, I mean the stuff that makes life worth living. The big dreams. The things that end the sentence, one day I’m going to….

I share more of my life than I ever thought I would. And I don’t mean photos of my lunch on Instagram! When you're working in the online space and want to help other women flourish you need to let them get to know who you are. Otherwise they're never going to trust that you're the person who can help them. I could talk about coaching diplomas and hours of training but what matters is the life experience I have. The empathy, the understanding. The knowing what it is like to feel utterly lost. The experience of having to put my life back together again after a cancer diagnosis. That said, I'm still surprised by the power my vulnerability and willingness to share can have.

55,000 women in Britain are diagnosed with breast cancer each year and around 350 men. Yes – men can get it too. It’s rare but it happens. That’s one in seven women. Once over 50 women in Britain are invited for mammograms. This makes a lot of women think that they aren’t at risk of breast cancer under 50 and so rarely, if ever, check their breasts. Wrong! Although breast cancer is more common in older women it can develop at any age. We aren’t screened at a younger age because breast tissue is more dense and so it’s harder for a mammogram to detect tumours.

I want to give other women hope. Hope that no matter what life has thrown at you, you can move forward. You can embrace who you are now. You can create a life that is empowering and liberating no matter how lost you feel right now. No matter how adrift you feel.

I understand first-hand the chaos that follows a major life event. My own journey led me to a profound realisation. Change isn't something to fear. It's an opportunity to recreate and re-embrace who we are becoming.

Back in July I had an amazing weekend at the women’s festival, Womanifest. It was an emotionally charged weekend as I got to share my story on the stage about how I’ve learned to thrive after life being derailed by cancer. It was an atmosphere where we all felt safe and understood and trust was built quickly which meant I had some very deep and personal conversations with people I’d only just met.

Twice over the weekend I was asked the same question – once during a conversation and once during a meditation. What does your heart want you to know?

Both times when I went still and listened to what was going on inside me the answer was the same, “Stop striving and just be.”

For many of us when we slow down and take a break from our usual routines we find ourselves considering our lives. In the past I've referred to this as sun lounger ponderings although given the fact that the British summer can be far from sunny at times they don’t always take place on a sun lounger!

The last two Septembers I’ve shared some concrete ways you can use this time to reflect on what you want and move yourself forward with your goals and I thought it would be worth revisiting these.

So, if having had a break from your normal routine you have reflected on the changes you’d like to make in the coming year here are my tips to get yourself started.

During a coaching session, one of my clients said “It’s not all about massive transformations, little transformations make a massive difference!” and it really got me thinking. She is so right. I think a lot of people think that choosing to work with a coach is about having a massive goal and wanting to make a huge change in your life but this couldn’t be further from the reality of coaching! My client hit the nail on the head. It is those little transformations – the changes in your thinking, behaviour and understanding of yourself - that added together make a massive difference to life.

We are continuing our summer revisit of blogs. I wrote this one in February 2020 and it feels as relevant now as it did then, especially as I often caught myself saying I felt guilty about the effect my cancer was having on other people over the last two years!

As a coach I sometimes find that there’s a common thread among my clients. In the latter part of last year, I really began to notice how often my clients were telling me that they felt guilty. Guilty for taking time for themselves. Guilty that their husband had to do bath time as they were on the coaching call. Guilty that they hadn't cooked the evening meal even though they'd worked shorter hours than their partner that day. Guilty that they'd had to take time off work. Guilty that they'd spent an hour reading a book rather than catching up on the laundry. There was an awful lot of guilt about.

As we continue our series of summer blog revisits, I thought I’d highlight this one about prioritising our own priorities. Those of you who have taken part in my Grow Your Confidence challenge will know that I'm a great believer in the importance of not only prioritising but prioritising YOUR priorities before everyone else’s.

No, this doesn’t make you incredibly selfish or self-centred or any other negative description of yourself. It’s the action of a confident person.

Cast your mind back to this time two years ago. We were, believe it or not, still living with social distancing, face masks and very confusing quarantine rules but with the promise that by the end of July all restrictions would end.
 
On 30th July I was sitting in a breast surgeon’s office with my mum and heard the words “I’m really sorry but as we suspected it is cancer and it’s reached your lymph nodes.”
 
Over the next ten months that was one of only two appointments where I was allowed to have someone with me. My surgery was booked for just ten days later and in order to prevent it being delayed I had to shield.

I’m a great believer in journaling. It helps me to sort out my thoughts, to tap into my subconscious, to come up with solutions to problems and connect with my own wisdom. I hear so many women though saying that they'd love to journal but they just don't know where to start. Hopefully this will give you a few helpful pointers!

As promised a couple of weeks ago, we’re going to be revisiting some blog posts over the summer. In the spirit of slowing down and making the most of these lovely summer weeks I’ve taken some things off my to-do list – like writing new blogs and I’m using the revisits to highlight topics that I think will help you to slow down and be a bit more intentional. With this in mind the first blog I’ve selected to revisit is all about taking things off your to-do list.

I have a confession to make. You've only been getting part of me and that's going to stop.
I've been going through so much, but I've only told you a fraction of it. Why?
 
Because I thought I needed to be professional. I needed to have this front where I seemed together and energised and on top of everything.

Every season I write about the importance of being intentional and share my list of things that I want to be certain not to miss. These are the things that can often be done at any time but in fact, unless we are intentional about them, usually end up not being done at all. Like the day at the beach, meal out with a friend, walk in the woods or that visit to a gallery.

Last year I released episode 42 of Unlock Your Confidence with Clare Walsh in which I talked about the many benefits of slowing down. It turned out to be one of my most downloaded episodes. It obviously hit a nerve.

Do you know what motivates you? It seems a simple enough question, but the answer can be many layered.

We often think that we’re motivated by things or achievements – having more money, a bigger house, a better car, nice holidays, a promotion. But, when we dig below the surface very few of us are motivated by these material things. What we are motivated by is our values. That’s not to say that we can’t or shouldn’t have material goals, but we should know how they fit with our personal values.