If we don’t know where we’re going how are we going to get there?

It seems an obvious question but you’d be surprised how many people don’t really know where they’re going. We get up and get on with life every day, often wearing busy as a badge of honour and then we’re surprised when we stop to reflect on life at our birthday, during our summer holiday or at New Year and realise that we haven’t moved forward at all!

Last week I asked what you'd do if you were more confident. During the week something struck me that I want to share with you.

Generally speaking I would describe myself as a confident person as would the people who know me well. However sometimes I realise that lack of confidence has snuck in by another name. I see this in my clients too.

We all hold beliefs about ourselves. Often these beliefs can be rooted in childhood experiences and are so deep rooted that they go unquestioned.

Many of us are looking at the months ahead uncertain about what’s going to happen or what plans we can actually make. Because of this I’ve spoken with many women over the last few weeks who’ve taken me up on the offer of a power hour to help move from confusion to clarity. And what each of them have realised is that they can still plan for the future they want whether that’s looking for a new job, taking better care of their health, working out how they can change career or taking the next steps with their business for example.

Although every women I’ve spoken with has been completely unique in what she has wanted to achieve every single one of them has had confidence issues in some shape or form. Women I’ve worked with before have come to me with a noticeable reduction in their confidence levels. It’s really saddened me.

What would you do if you were more confident? What’s that one thing, or perhaps it’s several things that you’ve held back on because you just don’t have the self-belief to move forward?

Each year I choose a word for the year rather than setting New Year resolutions. I set an intention to live by for the year. This year after much thought and deliberation I chose adventure. When I looked at my plans and goals for the year adventure was the word that came to mind again and again.

There have been moments during the last three months that the word adventure has felt like a burden rather than a gift. How could any of the grief, difficulties, anxieties and restrictions of the pandemic and lockdown possibly be an adventure? I even stopped wearing my bracelet that reminded me of the word each time I looked down as I type.

This week marks the one year anniversary of my blog. When I pressed publish on my first blog twelve months ago on my brand new website I had an audience of two people and one of them was my mum!

So much has happened in the last twelve months. No one could have anticipated a pandemic and what that would mean for us. But I was just as caught off guard by how much I enjoy writing my blog. I started it because I was advised that it would be a good thing for my business and drive more traffic to my website but it’s become so much more than that to me.

I love writing my blog posts. Being able to share my thoughts and ideas. Being able to inspire thought and more importantly action in others.

I always enjoy writing these posts. The ones when I share my intentions for the coming season. It isn’t necessarily about goals but about being in the moment and savouring what the season has to offer. I think it’s really important to be intentional or we're in danger of missing out on such a lot. We’re so busy with everyday life, family and work that we miss out on what the season has to offer.

There are lots of things that hold us back from doing what we really want to do but the one that comes up so often in coaching sessions is worrying about what other people think.

I hear clients telling me (and themselves) stories about lack of money and time or knowledge but when we dig a little deeper those things can be overcome and then the truth surfaces. A fear of what other people will think is holding them back. A fear of what other people will say.

We live in a world of noise. Even in lockdown when we’ve been at home and there have been less cars on the road and planes in the sky and so the world has been a little quieter we’ve been able to fill that void with news, music, tv, podcasts, radio, video calls, audio books and on my estate an almost constant noise of power washers and lawn mowers during daylight hours.

I’ve been telling myself that walking the same streets every single day for nearly two months now I need a book or a podcast to stop me getting bored. But is that really true? Am I just trying to hide from my own thoughts?

At the moment we’ve had a lot of our normal freedoms curtailed and so yes we are waiting for permission to do lots of things that we’d not even think about normally - visiting our parents, using public transport, going out with friends, getting a haircut. But where else in your life are you waiting for permission?

I know I’ve been very guilty of this in the past and I catch myself sometimes even now. Waiting for permission to go ahead and start working towards the dream that I have for myself. Waiting for permission to pursue the life that I know will make me happier. The life that lights me up.

Who do I think is going to give me permission? Whose approval am I looking for? I’m a grown woman, proud of my independence and yet it still catches me out. This sense that I need permission to create the life that lights me up. To lead my life in a way that will be fulfilling and happy for me.

We're living through an unprecedented time. The things that we thought were certain turned out not to be. Whoever, other than in the pages of a dystopian novel, imagined closed borders, grounded flights, closed schools and shops, closed restaurants and pubs, people working from home, furloughed staff?

We all want things to improve as soon as possible. No one wants to see anyone suffering physically, mentally or financially. But we’re beginning to see and accept that it’s going to be a long road to recovery, things will not all return to normal immediately.

That said, while I won’t miss being in lockdown once it’s over there are things about my normal that I don’t miss at all. In fact there’s a little bit of me that is dreading the return to some of my “normal”. And I know I’m not alone in this. It’s been a repeated theme in conversations with clients, friends and family over the last few weeks.

This week marks the 75th anniversary of VE day. The end of the Second World War in Europe. The early May bank holiday in Britain has been moved from Monday to Friday 8th so that we can all celebrate. Little did anyone realise when that was decided that we’d be in the middle of a pandemic.

The anniversary made me think back to the commemorations of the 75th anniversary of D-Day last summer. World leaders and veterans gathered in England and Northern France for moving ceremonies of remembrance and thanksgiving. I was moved to write the following at the time but didn’t publish it. I think now is a good time to revisit it.

Last week I wrote about the importance of an evening routine as much as a reminder to myself as to help you in this weird time of staying home, self-isolation and social distancing. This week I’m focusing on the importance of getting our day off to a good start with a morning routine. For me this is about giving myself priority as I start the day before the rest of the world encroaches.

When I was planning out my blogs for the next few months today’s was always going to be about the importance of having an evening routine. Given the circumstances in which we now find ourselves I think it's even more important than ever.

The reason I find my evening routine so useful is that it not only prepares me physically for rest and sleep, but also allows me to reflect on my day and reconnect with myself – with my inner wisdom - before I turn out the light and go to sleep.

There are times in our lives when major decisions have to be made.
Sometimes we know the moment is coming when we'll have to decide and make a change.
Other times the rug is pulled from under us and a decision has to be made, like it or not.

For the last 14 years I've been using the Cycle of Discernment to make major decisions in my life. It's the method that I teach to my coaching clients to enable them too to make decisions with their head and heart, grounded in their values.

An important part of discernment is questioning whether or not you’re feeling driven or drawn.

This is my favourite time of year. I love Easter, but this is going to be an Easter like no other. Usually I love the three days of church services. The sense of community. The joy of the Easter message.

I love spending time with my family – my mum, sister, nephew and close friends. We share food, laughter and fun with none of the pressured consumerism of Christmas.

This year will be very different. Church services will be over the internet. There will be no family meal. No visits from friends. But that doesn't change the message of Easter. It does not lessen the message of joy, love and hope. It does not change the love that I have for my family and friends. We will find ways to celebrate together just like we did on Mothering Sunday. Netflix party anyone?

It’s the start of a new month. The start of a new quarter. Normally I’d be full of plans, especially as I’m full of the energy of spring. But this is going to be an April like no other.

I lay in bed on 1st April thinking about all of this and asking myself what I wanted from April. What’s actually within my control?

On Monday I did a live on my Facebook page talking about the fact that I'm choosing to be the light this week. Choosing to show up in the world for myself and others with my focus on light, not darkness. I set up a Netflix party with a friend and my mum to keep us connected and to have some fun. I arranged video calls with other friends and kept up with the WhatsApp conversations. I’ve consciously chosen to focus on light.

I thought about all of this and remembered that a lot is still within my control. How I show up. How I choose to think. How I choose to be. With this in mind I decided that this month I’m going to choose not just to survive but to thrive.

So how am I going to thrive?

I believe that trusting ourselves is at the heart of our self-confidence. At the moment when the world feels like it has gone more than a little crazy and so many things are beyond our control, keeping a firm sense that we can trust ourselves is so important.

I love everything about this time of year. I especially love it when the clocks spring forward. I don’t mind missing an hour’s sleep, it’s worth it for the lighter evenings.

Even though I love this time of year I still ensure that I’m intentional so that I don’t let it pass me by unnoticed. I’m trying to get out for a run a couple of times a week and I’m loving seeing the speed at which the nature reserve is greening up and the sounds of the birds singing.

I was 23 years old, three months out of university and in the job I imagined I’d have at the end of my career!

Success? It didn’t feel like it. I felt an utter fraud, there by default rather than any merit of my own. The talented, professional woman who had employed me had been made “redundant” and I was promoted into her position.

Instead of success I felt guilt and overwhelm and something else, something that I just couldn’t put my finger on. This inability to name what was wrong and to deal with it led first to physical illness and then to severe anxiety and depression.

I’ve experienced both sides of being brave and failing to be brave and I believe that we need to be brave. We must act with courage and take risks sometimes. I’m not talking about being reckless, instead a calculated risk.